A parting note?

Hello. I have deserted this blog for almost five months, and I feel extremely guilty about it.

I promised myself in the beginning that this blog will be for my fictitious pieces of writing, not for life updates and the sorts. But somehow, for the present state of my mind, I feel it’s necessary to emote, without using fancy poetic stuff. 

People who were forced to read my blog (haha) might remember that one blogpost about Dilli. I was distraught; I was leaving my bestfriend and basically my life behind. Two years later, I cried in the flight away from Cuttack because everything was insane. I don’t love Cuttack like I love Delhi; I’ll probably never do. But the few warm people there do make me miss the place. Now, I’m in this heavenly place called Udaipur, ready for the two super-important years of my life. Haven’t really made friends, but hey, i’m not rushing things. 

I’m planning to become a doctor, in the army if things go as I’ve planned them. That requires a hell lot of effort, school and coaching and self-study, apart from tests and everything. I won’t say I’m not scared, because anyone in my place would be a little nervous. Or maybe the superhumans won’t be. I don’t know. The main point here is that I want to put in all my effort to become what I want to. I dont know, maybe ten years from now, I’ll regret it all. But atleast I’ll know that I gave my very best. And I am going to give it my all. I need to be someone independent, someone who people won’t dare to ask to ‘settle down’.

I’ve always been passionate about reading and writing. I may not have read great classics and the ‘must read’ stuff, but reading gives me hope and makes me smile in the worst of times. It makes me feel incredibly alive. And writing, well, is something I wanted to pursue seriously at one point of time. Now, I’m sacrificing writing for my blog, willingly. There’s just no time! Most of my free time (which won’t be much) will be devoted to squash, the absolute love of my life. It’s a little disappointing, and I hope all this will be worth it. 

Presently, everything is so insane that my head is in whirl. I’m at this junction of life where I’m giving up things I love, yet gaining experience??? Does that make any sense? Whatever it is, if you would ask if I’m happy, I wouldn’t really know. I have everything, but I keep yearning for things out of reach. Makes things a lot more complex and frustrating. There’s a whole lot of insecurities about whether I’ll be able to make it through. 

To all my readers, if you exist, thank you. The stats page always upsets me but there are a few times when there are visitors on my blog and it makes me feel good. If my posts have ever touched your soul, please do let me know. Nothing will make me happier. 

My previous blog somehow got deleted by Google. I was eleven or maybe twelve at that time, and I remember feeling really hopeless. This time, I need my blog to wait for me. I promise that in a few years, I’ll return as a better person. Give me a little time, love, and I promise that your bud will bloom and cast its influence everywhere. I just don’t want you to wither away like a neglected flower. 

So here’s to my iridescent idiocies. Here’s to once being on a see-saw with a broken end. Here’s to writer’s block and frustrations and frenzy. Here’s to you being there for me. Here’s to hope for the future. 

Here’s to us, blog. Here’s to you and me. 

(I can always be contacted through my email id – rimjhimtyagi@rocketmail.com) 

Advertisements

Castles

//I started building castles in the air
when I was six.
I picked each word thrown at me,
I caressed its feathery linings
and put my words on top of each other,
building jigsaw puzzles out of nowhere.
I was small then
My castles barely reached my belly
I could see my words all around
as I went about my little world.
I would wave my tiny hands through matter,
through open space, near royalty.
Others would laugh;
They never understood.

I continued building castles in the air
when I was twelve.
My castles had tall towers
and engraved on them were words
Thrown carelessly at me.
But I knew the nuances of each one of them;
I would turn them over,
over the linings of my palm.
Some shrewdly carried with them
The stamp of a certain brown-eyed boy
whose gaze often tugged at the
strings of my heart.
I would still wave my hands over my castles,
but they had crooked edges now;
my fingers bled sometimes.

I still build castles in the air
and I’m fifteen now.
Words thrown at me still find
their place in the castles that engulf me.
But now,
my castles seem to strangle me.
I feel suffocated and small;
my walls begin to crumble, but I paint them back on,
for they must conceal.
I hear voices when I walk, I hear
the words echoing from royalty.
I still wave my hands over my castles,
others still laugh
and my fingers still bleed.
But now,
my blood is channelized.
The blood is sent to paper,
with a myriad of thoughts accompanying it.//


 

This is the first time I’ve written such a piece. I would love some interpretations and constructive criticism!

A Few Lessons

Each scar on your knee will tell
the world that you fell on a trodden path.
But each skip in your step will tell
the world that you stood up.

Remember your mother combing your
tousled head,
not one strand of hair used to allow itself
to be assorted against the boundaries
and be aligned in the mainstream.

Be those strands of hair.

Refuse to be assorted against boundaries
and refuse to be aligned carelessly
with the mainstream.

Hold your hands together tightly,
Never let them go astray;
You never know where they’ll be found.
You never know the throats they might be around.

Pray, pray not to an ostensible entity
hoping for benevolence.
Pray to yourself with your hands
clasped tightly like the ribs
that guard your bitter heart.

Feel anger and frustration and the feeling that
makes your head go dizzy,
the feeling that casts incoherent
storms within your nerves.
Feel everything, but remember,
you are not always bound to emote.

Gaze at the nightsky when the night is deserted.
When no one is there to cast
wishes at 11:11. The stars
will not look like stars,
they’ll look like petty deadlines
and reminders which reiterate the fact
that you’ve not been a good kid this year.

But don’t listen to them.

Sunsets are known to hold the promise
of a new day hung in the air,
never let this promise go away.
Hold dandelion seeds with twinkling eyes,
Let skeptic daisies swish your way,
gallop through the woods,
live your own fairytale.

Remember, my love.

Each scar on your knee will tell
the world that you fell on a trodden path.
But each skip in your step will tell
the world that you stood up.

 

 

 

The Five Senses of Rain

Have you ever seen the rain?

See the clear droplets descending
from the skies, tears of joy
emerging from ‘heaven’, as
the theists would claim; and
see the pink petals of forlorn
flowers, separated delicately from
their mothers like loose threads
and they flow through the
puddles like tears of anguish
shredded by lost love;
see the ripples caused by
rivulets of water casting
their beauty and oh,
see the rain.

Have you ever heard the rain?

Hear the wind chiming,
singing competitively against
the sound of rain; pitter-patters
on the window sill and burnt
ashes of hatred spilt
on the sidewalks; hear
laughs of young children,
syncing with the rain
melodiously, and cower under
the raging skies and oh,
hear the rain.

Have you ever smelt the rain?

Smell the warm fragrance of rain
on an exasperating day,
hues of petrichor floating
in the air like fluffy white
clouds on a sunny day;
smell the bliss of water and
land that no artist can match
and no poet can compare
metaphors with and oh,
smell the rain.

Have you ever tasted the rain?

Hold the first drops of euphoria
against your palms and bring
them to the pink of your
lips; bask in the essence of
ineffable salt in the rain and
kiss the tears of joy
nature spills lavishly and oh,
taste the rain.

Have you ever felt the rain?

Cradle the droplets against your
body and dance away with
the rain brandishing all your
sorrows; let the drizzles
envelope you like tight
warm hugs and tenderly
stroke the trees and bring
the leaves close to your heart;
find joy in the smiles
of nature and oh,
feel the rain.

Monsoon is here.//

On writing.

The ink flows furiously from the
nib of my pen, signifying how my
mind bursts to emote, to create;
and when the pen meets the
smooth lined surface of paper,
two mechanisms don’t work; they
become one, the ink and the paper,
spilling poetry from words and words
from little fragments of thoughts,
and they become one; and that’s
how it feels, finding solace in words
that some choose to throw carelessly
about; for that is really what poets do,
brushing away all such words in a
corner, lovingly caressing them,
and then painting hues of metaphors
on a canvas of simple paper; for
who requires luxuries when you
are provided luxuries of thought;
luxuries of emotions and opinions
slowly making their way out of
whirls of memories and experiences,
and what really is writing but
drizzles on a warm day,
catching your heart in glee
and bringing you the satisfaction
of a good day at work
for writing is to writers what
meditating is to yoga-doers;
capturing each storm of their minds,
each cyclone which traps their hearts
in the solace which seemingly
inanimate things selflessly provide.

An Artist’s Canvas

We start life out as young
Unborn fetuses, with our white
And pristine canvas ready
For the sprinkling of bright
Beautiful shades of colours;
But then we grow up
And the colours fade to a
Dull grey with patches of ripped
Black; all these colours run
Into each other, maybe like the
Linings of our palms which
Refuse to be assorted into
Disciplined boundaries,
And then we grow old
With a fondness for senility,
Hoping for resurrection
In the form of something we’ve
Always wished for;
And then we reflect upon our
Canvas of memories,
Memories which engulf us
When we let our guard down
And memories which make us
Smile at our past idiocies
And memories that make us
Wish for a time machine
As we slowly stumble into
The vain arms of death,
While Death reviews the Canvas
And smiles coyly to himself,
For He, of all people, knew
How human beings showcased
Millions of little moments that
Ran haywire in the course of their
Lives, in the form of metaphorical art;
And sometimes I think life
Is not a journey; it is not
Travelled from Point A to
Point B with few in-betweens;
It is a vast ineffable adventure
Of discovering one’s self
And others; for life is an artist’s canvas
In the beginning,
And a writer’s life-long threshold
Of words and poetry in the
Ending.

Letters of Gratefulness.

Last night, I realized I have been a little ungrateful to people who’ve been, say, kind to me. Here’s a little thing to remedy that.

#1
To the girl with the honest smile and bright eyes,
Hi. You rock. Thank you for never letting me go. I know I seem distant sometimes, and I’m very sorry for that. It was beautiful meeting you after ten months. I’m an idiot, you know. You never let me collapse into my idiocies. Thank you for that. I love you.

#2
To the girl who never failed to make me smile,
Thank you for being what you are. You are capable of so many things in life, love, and don’t leave any of them. I worry a lot about you, because you always seem to me like a little child. You’ll always be that for me haha.Thank you for never giving up and thank you for making my life happier than it used to be.

#3
To the boy who didn’t die when he was paralyzed,
I’m glad you didn’t. I’m glad you’re alive and well. Thank you for being there for her. I worry too much about her, but somehow, I feel okay knowing that you’re there. Thank you for making people around you, happy. Your smile is not weird, so shut up and be happy, okay?

#4
To the girl who said my words inspired her to take up writing,
I couldn’t wipe that stupid smile off my face the day you told me that. Our bond will never be what it used to be, but I’m just glad we aren’t strangers. Thank you for the inside jokes that still make me smile, and thank you for being the kind of person you are.

#5
To the boy who unknowingly saved me from myself,
Thank you. Do you remember that afternoon in April 2015? I was crying that day in the bus and you were…just there. You made a difference by just sitting beside me and listening to me while I cried. Thank you for that day. Also, you’ll make it through and you’ll be fine.

#6
To the boy in my new class who makes me happy,
You’re a good person at heart. Somehow, I sensed that when I first talked to you. I don’t fit in here, but I’m always at ease when I’m with you. So thank you for what you do, unknowingly.

#7
To me,
You are fine. Don’t think too much and be nice to people. Practice kindness. You’ll be fine. There’s nothing wrong.

So, that’s that. I’m sure I missed some things, but I’ll probably save that for later.