Hello. I have deserted this blog for almost five months, and I feel extremely guilty about it.
I promised myself in the beginning that this blog will be for my fictitious pieces of writing, not for life updates and the sorts. But somehow, for the present state of my mind, I feel it’s necessary to emote, without using fancy poetic stuff.
People who were forced to read my blog (haha) might remember that one blogpost about Dilli. I was distraught; I was leaving my bestfriend and basically my life behind. Two years later, I cried in the flight away from Cuttack because everything was insane. I don’t love Cuttack like I love Delhi; I’ll probably never do. But the few warm people there do make me miss the place. Now, I’m in this heavenly place called Udaipur, ready for the two super-important years of my life. Haven’t really made friends, but hey, i’m not rushing things.
I’m planning to become a doctor, in the army if things go as I’ve planned them. That requires a hell lot of effort, school and coaching and self-study, apart from tests and everything. I won’t say I’m not scared, because anyone in my place would be a little nervous. Or maybe the superhumans won’t be. I don’t know. The main point here is that I want to put in all my effort to become what I want to. I dont know, maybe ten years from now, I’ll regret it all. But atleast I’ll know that I gave my very best. And I am going to give it my all. I need to be someone independent, someone who people won’t dare to ask to ‘settle down’.
I’ve always been passionate about reading and writing. I may not have read great classics and the ‘must read’ stuff, but reading gives me hope and makes me smile in the worst of times. It makes me feel incredibly alive. And writing, well, is something I wanted to pursue seriously at one point of time. Now, I’m sacrificing writing for my blog, willingly. There’s just no time! Most of my free time (which won’t be much) will be devoted to squash, the absolute love of my life. It’s a little disappointing, and I hope all this will be worth it.
Presently, everything is so insane that my head is in whirl. I’m at this junction of life where I’m giving up things I love, yet gaining experience??? Does that make any sense? Whatever it is, if you would ask if I’m happy, I wouldn’t really know. I have everything, but I keep yearning for things out of reach. Makes things a lot more complex and frustrating. There’s a whole lot of insecurities about whether I’ll be able to make it through.
To all my readers, if you exist, thank you. The stats page always upsets me but there are a few times when there are visitors on my blog and it makes me feel good. If my posts have ever touched your soul, please do let me know. Nothing will make me happier.
My previous blog somehow got deleted by Google. I was eleven or maybe twelve at that time, and I remember feeling really hopeless. This time, I need my blog to wait for me. I promise that in a few years, I’ll return as a better person. Give me a little time, love, and I promise that your bud will bloom and cast its influence everywhere. I just don’t want you to wither away like a neglected flower.
So here’s to my iridescent idiocies. Here’s to once being on a see-saw with a broken end. Here’s to writer’s block and frustrations and frenzy. Here’s to you being there for me. Here’s to hope for the future.
Here’s to us, blog. Here’s to you and me.
(I can always be contacted through my email id – email@example.com)